Wendy Devolder

Hello, everyone! Welcome to the second Devrellers Meetup this autumn. We’re thrilled to have you with us tonight.

This month, we’re joined by two fabulous speakers: Floor Drees and Wesley Faulkner. Many of you probably already know them, as they are incredibly active in many developer, devrel and social communities. I’m really excited they’re here to explore how to build and nurture developer relations at events.

First, let me introduce Floor, who will be sharing her insights on setting yourself up for success in developer relations. Floor, would you like to introduce yourself?

Floor Drees

Hi, everyone! My name is Floor, and I’m based in the Netherlands. I recently transitioned from the Developer Relations (DevRel) team at Aiven to the Community Team, where I focus on supporting DevRel through my new role. I’m looking forward to sharing some of my stories and tips with you all tonight.

Wendy

Thank you, Floor! Next, we have Wesley Faulkner, a well-known contributor to many developer communities and co-host of the Community Pulse and Radical Respect podcasts. Wesley, would you mind introducing yourself?

Wesley Faulkner

Hi, everyone! I’m Wesley Faulkner. I’ve been working in developer relations for five years as a developer advocate and community manager. Currently, I’m a Senior Community Manager for AWS in North America, managing user groups. Tonight, I’ll share my talk, “Getting Through the Awkwardness of Networking.” It was one of the first talks I created as a Developer Advocate, and though it’s an oldie, the core points remain relevant.

Wendy

Thank you, Wesley! We’re really looking forward to your talk.

After the presentations, we’ll have a Q&A session with Floor and Wesley. For those joining on YouTube, feel free to share your questions or thoughts in the YouTube chat. Sarah Gruneisen and I will facilitate the Q&A and relay your questions. Sarah, would you like to introduce yourself?

Sarah Gruneisen

Hello! I’m Sarah from Novoda and Avagasso Consulting. I’m the Director of Engineering at Novoda and also the founder of Avagasso Coaching. I’m here to help facilitate tonight, and I’m really looking forward to the discussions.

Wendy

And finally, for those who don’t know me, I’m Wendy Devolder. I help developer-first tooling businesses and open-source projects grow and engage their communities through my consultancy, DEVRELLA.

Now without further ado, Floor, over to you!

Introduction

Hello, everyone! I’m thrilled to be here at the DevRellers Meetup to share insights on setting yourself up for DevRel success. While I gave a quick introduction earlier, I’d like to provide more context about my journey.

My name is Floor, and I’m based in the Netherlands. My route into technology was a bit unconventional—my background is in art school—but it’s been an exciting and rewarding transition. I’m currently a Staff Community Program Manager at Aiven. Before this, I worked in DevRel teams at Microsoft, Grafana Labs, and a variety of startups, accumulating a good few years of experience in developer relations.

Beyond my professional role, I’m deeply engaged with the community. I’m a DevOps core member and the organiser of conferences such as DevOps Amsterdam and DevOps Eindhoven, as well as Community Over Code in Bratislava, which many might remember as ApacheCon. That’s scheduled for June next year. Over the years, I’ve organised countless meetups, which has been incredibly fulfilling but also a significant time investment.

We were actually planning an in-person meetup this evening, but due to severe storms in the Netherlands, we decided to postpone it. That worked out well, as it allows me to dedicate my full attention to all of you here today.

Earlier this year, I transitioned from Aiven’s DevRel team to the Community Team. While my official responsibilities and OKRs (or V2MOMs, depending on your framework) shifted, my approach to event engagement has remained largely consistent. This transition has placed me in an ideal position to help colleagues adopt a more intentional and strategic approach to events.

Today, I’ll walk you through some of the methods I use to help my team prepare for events, build schedules, maximise impact while onsite, and effectively follow up afterward.

1. Strategic Event Planning

• Maintaining a Strategic Events List

Event planning begins long before the fiscal year does. Unfortunately, we rarely have the luxury of starting fresh with all CFPs (Call for Papers) perfectly aligned and all the events neatly scheduled. Instead, the reality is often messy, requiring us to adapt as events and deadlines arise.

To stay ahead, I keep a curated list of key strategic events for Aiven to attend. These events are selected based on several factors:

1. Past engagement: Events where we’ve spoken or participated successfully before.
2. Colleague recommendations: Insights from team members who’ve attended and found value in specific events.
3. Research-driven picks: Industry-specific or partner-driven conferences aligned with our objectives.
• Tracking CFPs

I subscribe to newsletters and follow platforms like Confs.Tech, Sessionize, and Papercall to stay updated on CFPs. Each week, I share a list of CFP deadlines that are approaching in a dedicated Slack channel at Aiven called Speaker’s Corner. This channel is a hub for team members who either currently speak publicly or aspire to.

• Talk Rehearsals

At Aiven, we hold talk rehearsals for every speaker, regardless of their experience level. These sessions serve multiple purposes:

1. Offering feedback to refine the talk.
2. Allowing non-technical colleagues to deepen their understanding of the content.
3. Encouraging new speakers to learn by observing seasoned ones.

One of the benefits of rehearsals is peer review. For example, during one session, a colleague planned to use a Chuck Norris jokes dataset at a JavaScript conference. Feedback revealed that much of the audience might not understand the reference. Adjustments like these can prevent missteps and ensure relevance.

2. Maximising Event ROI

• Jar Packing

One way we increase the value of attending events is by "jar packing." This means maximising opportunities in the region while someone is already traveling. For example:

1. Collaborating with Account Teams to arrange customer meetings.
2. Connecting with Partner Teams to co-host a local meetup - For example, Aiven is a managed solution for a bunch of Open Source projects, so maybe we can reach out to these projects and see if they’d like to run something together.
3. Identifying nearby meetup groups for speaking or networking opportunities.
4. Partnering with fellow speakers to record podcasts, videos, or livestreams.

These activities require leadtime, so once an event schedule is released, we immediately start exploring such possibilities.

• "Know Before You Go" ( KBYG) Meetings

We have started organising “Know Before You Go” meetings, which are essential preparation for event attendance. We record these sessions and cover:

1. Audience insights: For instance, when preparing to attend FOSDEM (a major open-source conference in Brussels), our KBYG meeting highlighted that Twitter/X isn’t widely used at this conference—and you want to use Mastodon, if you want to get into the conversation.
2. Side events: Highlights of networking or social gatherings around the main event.
3. Customers and Partners - Are there any of our partners or customers are attending or sponsoring the event? What is the latest status of our relationship and where can we find their booths, so we can plan our visits with them.
4. Competitors: Understanding which competitors are attending or sponsoring, as this helps us anticipate any questions, for example how Aiven benchmarks against them
5. Communication Tools: Ensure familiarity and pre-register with any dedicated conference apps, whether a custom app or the conference’s channel on Discord, Slack, or Slido, and make sure to complete your profile to make it easy for fellow attendees to connect.

3. Building a Personal Event Schedule

• Spreadsheet Planning

While many conferences offer apps, I rely on my trusty spreadsheet. It includes:

1. Speaker names, session titles, and abstracts.
2. Social media handles and livestream links.
3. Notes on room transitions and breaks.

This detailed planning helps me avoid feeling overwhelmed and ensures I don’t miss key sessions or opportunities.

• Energy Management

Knowing the physical layout of a venue is crucial for managing energy, especially at multi-track events. For instance, I calculate the time it takes to move between rooms to avoid scheduling conflicts. I also intentionally schedule breaks, including booth visits and yes, even bathroom breaks!

4. On-Site Engagement

• Fully Engaging at Events

In the past, I’ve been frustrated by DevRel professionals who exhibit "rockstar behaviour"—showing up late, leaving immediately after speaking, or failing to engage with related sessions. This alienates organisers, attendees, and fellow speakers.

Instead, I strive to be an ideal attendee by:

1. Actively participating in sessions, asking questions, and engaging with speakers.
2. Sharing social media updates and taking flattering photos of other speakers.
3. Being fully present by setting out-of-office emails, marking my calendar as busy, and limiting work-related distractions.
• Balancing Familiarity and Fresh Connections

While it’s tempting to spend time catching up with colleagues or friends, I make a point to prioritise meeting new people and broadening my network.

5. Post-Event Follow-Up

• The Trip Report

After the event, I compile a trip report, blending metrics with anecdotes:

1. Metrics: Session attendance, participation in side events, online viewer numbers for livestreams.
2. Anecdotes: Recurring questions, prominent themes, and feedback from hallway conversations.

The initial report is shared internally, stripped of sensitive details, and later adapted for public-facing content like newsletters or blog posts.

• Continuous Updates

Conferences often release session recordings or photo galleries weeks later. It’s important to integrate these into our CRM and share them via social media.

• Evaluate for the Future

For new events, we assess whether the effort was worthwhile and make recommendations for future participation.

Closing Thoughts

Events can be overwhelming, but with intentional preparation, active participation, and thoughtful follow-up, they become powerful opportunities for growth and connection. At Aiven, we’re continually refining our processes with templates and automation, ensuring we show up at our best.

Thank you for listening! I’d love to hear how you approach conference season.

Introduction

Thank you so much, Floor, for that amazing presentation. I’m honestly a bit jealous of your presentation skills! Before I dive into mine, I’d like to preface by saying that my slides are primarily there to prompt me, so feel free to mostly ignore them. I’ll just use them as a guide while I talk.

This presentation holds a special place for me—it’s actually the very first one I developed as a Developer Advocate. It reflects my journey and the transition I went through to become more outgoing in this role. Back then, I was just starting to get on stage, attend presentations, and participate in conferences. Everything about it was new and a little overwhelming.

The skills I’ve developed along the way really stemmed from navigating those early challenges. It was all about finding my footing in unfamiliar spaces and learning to embrace the awkwardness I initially felt. This presentation is essentially a culmination of that experience, and I hope it resonates with you.

I’m a child of immigrants—my mother is from Haiti, and my father is from the British Virgin Islands. Growing up, one side of my family didn’t even speak the same language as the other. Eventually, my parents moved to the US, and that’s where I was born.

Because of this, I grew up immersed in a mix of cultures, languages, and traditions. There were so many different ways to behave, things to avoid, and nuances of what was considered taboo or acceptable in different contexts. Navigating all of that has shaped who I am today—and, honestly, I’ll admit that it’s part of why I can be a little awkward at times.

This presentation is my guide for all my fellow awkward people out there. So, let’s dive in and talk about why networking can be so hard.

A quick note on perspective

Floor mentioned earlier that she was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and I want to say congratulations to her for gaining that insight. For context, I’m also neurodivergent—I have ADHD and dyslexia—and I want to acknowledge that some aspects of this presentation might come across as ableist. If certain suggestions don’t resonate with you or feel unattainable, just take what works and leave the rest. Networking is not one-size-fits-all, and I want to be clear that this is a generalised framework.

1. Why Networking Can Feel Unnatural (and How We’ve Been Taught Wrong)

Networking can feel really hard, and one big reason is that we’re never actually taught how to do it. In school—whether it’s university or grammar school—networking isn’t something that’s part of the curriculum. It’s almost treated as something that’s just supposed to happen naturally.

In some cases, people who know each other might step in to help. They’ll say, “Oh, you should meet so-and-so,” and introduce you with a bit of context. From there, you can start a conversation and build a connection. But out in the real world, it rarely works that way. You have to figure it out on your own.

That brings up a lot of questions:

• How do you start a conversation?
• Who should you approach?
• When you do approach someone, how do you decide what to talk about—something meaningful but not overly personal or too shallow, like small talk about the weather?
• And how do you know if someone is the right person to approach in the first place?

The truth is, most of us aren’t great at this. Networking is inherently awkward—it’s like a dance where one person is doing the polka while the other is attempting a rumba. You’re both trying to feel each other out, figure out who’s leading, who’s following, and which direction to go. It’s a lot to navigate, and it can feel unnatural because we’ve been taught the wrong approach.

For those who think they’ve got networking figured out, or are trying to improve, a lot of traditional advice doesn’t help. We’ve all seen those “tips” in movies or media—things like giving a firm handshake, dominating the conversation, showcasing your expertise, or making yourself seem important. While those approaches might work for some, they often lead to uncomfortable interactions.

We’ve all met those people who seem entirely focused on themselves. Every comment feels like they’re showing off, making it hard to feel like you’re on equal footing or able to relax. Starting a relationship from a place like that isn’t ideal—it doesn’t create a strong foundation for meaningful connection.

Networking Is Hard for Everyone

Let’s face it: networking is hard, and most of us struggle with it—even me, in certain situations. My goal today is to share some tips to make it suck a little less. If you’ve been having trouble, know that it’s not your fault; we’ve all been given poor models to follow.

The people who seem naturally great at networking? They make it look effortless. It seems like everything just falls into place for them. But what you’re seeing is the result of lots of practice. These are people who have embraced a growth mindset—they observe, adjust, and keep improving over time.

When I started public speaking, I learned a staggering statistic: 70% of people would rather die than speak publicly. It’s one of the greatest fears out there. Social anxiety, whether it’s about speaking in front of a crowd, navigating large groups, or just putting yourself out there, is incredibly common. If you’re feeling that way, you’re not alone.

A Note on Self-Care

I want to stress something important: take care of yourself. If you ever feel overwhelmed, need space, or just need a break, please listen to your body and mind. Networking isn’t a prison, and feeling trapped only heightens anxiety. Don’t let yourself feel like you have no choice—it will only exacerbate the challenges.

For those who’ve seen me at events and thought, “Oh, he’s got it all together; he’s not stressed,” let me tell you—I’m stressed! I’ve just gotten good at masking it. While I lean slightly towards being extroverted, I know that many people are more introverted. Wherever you fall on that spectrum, it’s crucial to honour your limits and give yourself grace.

Now that we’ve addressed why networking is so difficult, let’s dive into some foundational basics.

2. How to be interested in others

This presentation is primarily about how to be interested in others. If we have time later, I’ll touch on ways to be interesting to others, but I think the real effort lies in focusing outward.

What’s critical in any networking interaction is to be present. Ground yourself. This takes practice, but it starts with clearing your mind. Take a moment to understand where you are, who you’re talking to, and what’s happening around you. Pay attention to everything the other person is saying—treat their words like nuggets of gold.

Sometimes, when we’re anxious, we’re almost perched on the edge of our seat—literally or figuratively—waiting to jump in at the first opportunity to relate. For example, if someone mentions anime and you’re a big fan, your instinct might be to pounce and say, “Oh, who’s your favourite? I love [insert anime here].” That urge to connect is natural, but I urge you to resist it. I struggle with this too, but with practice, we can improve.

Instead, let them speak. Allow them to get everything out without interruption. Yes, it might feel awkward or uncomfortable to simply sit and listen, but it’s essential. Practice active listening: maintain eye contact, smile, nod, and respond with “uh-huh,” “wow,” or other affirmations. Let them finish their thought before you react or comment.

Why is this so important? Because everyone has their own rhythm and story to share, especially in introductions. They may have a script or a train of thought they need to complete. By jumping in too soon, you risk derailing their story or missing the essence of what they’re trying to communicate. While you might latch onto one detail—like anime, for example—they could be building towards something more significant.

Think of their story as an arc. For instance, imagine someone’s telling you about Noah’s Ark. If you jump in the moment they mention God talking to Noah, you might interrupt and say, “Oh my gosh, God talked to you? That’s incredible! My uncle also said he talked to God.” While your response may be well-meaning, you’ve now hijacked the story, possibly missing the main point—the ark, the animals, the flood, the whole epic narrative.

To avoid this, let them share their entire story before responding. If you find something you want to revisit, make a mental note and circle back after they’ve finished. Don’t fixate on a single detail and tune out the rest. This is why being present and grounded is so vital.

It’s not easy, but with practice, it gets better. Smile, show positive reinforcement, and make it clear that you’re engaged. People want to feel that what they’re saying matters—that their experiences and who they are hold significance.

Finally, once they’ve finished, don’t just brush it off with, “Oh, okay, cool. Now let me tell you about me.”

Avoid rushing to make it about yourself. Instead, affirm what they’ve shared. For example, say something like, “That’s really fascinating,” or “It’s amazing that you’ve done that.” Show genuine appreciation for their story before transitioning to a new topic. The goal is to make them feel heard, valued, and understood—because that’s the foundation of meaningful connection.

TL;DR

One key aspect of meaningful networking is providing affirmation. When someone shares their story, let them know that what they’ve said is important, what they’ve done is significant, and who they are matters—even beyond the details they’ve shared.

3. Moving Beyond Labels and Assumptions

A critical focus in making connections is to engage with the person, not just with what they do or what they’ve accomplished. This is especially important because jobs and accomplishments can change. If your connection is based solely on their professional role, your relationship may feel transactional. However, when you connect with someone on a fundamental, personal level—on shared ethics, values, or goals—it transcends titles, jobs, or accolades.

For example, I’ve had friends who transitioned careers, particularly within DevRel, where job changes are common. If my connection to them had been tied to their previous role, it might have diminished when they shifted focus. Instead, I value their character and shared passions, which remain constant regardless of their professional journey.

Moving Beyond Surface-Level Questions

When meeting someone new, we often default to asking, “Where are you from?” or “What do you do?”

These questions, while common, rarely capture the full story of who someone is. People don’t fit neatly into labels.

If you ask me, for example, “What do you do?” I could say I work in tech, which is true, but that’s not the whole picture. Labels like “community manager” or “developer advocate” don’t encompass all of me—and the same goes for others.

These types of questions also risk alienating people. Asking “Where are you from?” can lead to assumptions or stereotypes based on geography. Similarly, asking “What do you do?” can create an awkward dynamic, especially if someone is unemployed, between jobs, or in a role they don’t find fulfilling. Questions about education, like “Where did you go to school?” can also inadvertently highlight privilege or lack thereof, potentially making someone feel uncomfortable.

Instead, focus on questions that invite broader or deeper insights about the person. Avoid assumptions about their circumstances, such as assuming their partner’s gender or jumping to conclusions about their background. By removing assumptions and avoiding judgment-laden questions, you create a more open and respectful space for conversation.

Authenticity in networking is about resisting the urge to “use” someone for what they can offer professionally. For example, when I worked at AWS, I’d sometimes say I worked for Amazon, as it’s more widely recognised. Often, this led to people immediately asking for help with their Amazon orders or other requests. While not inherently negative, these interactions sometimes felt transactional, as if I were being evaluated solely for what I could provide.

Instead, the goal should be to connect on a personal level, free of agendas.

Be present, listen actively, and resist defaulting to surface-level questions. The longer you can go without asking, “What do you do?” or “Where are you from?” the more likely you are to uncover the deeper, more interesting aspects of someone’s story.

Rethinking Default Questions

When meeting someone, drop assumptions. If they mention a partner, avoid assuming their partner’s gender. If someone is unemployed, framing a question about their “job” could make them feel uncomfortable or judged. Similarly, asking about education or origin might unintentionally touch on sensitive areas, such as being a refugee, adopted, or disconnected from their place of birth.

These habitual questions often reflect societal norms but don’t always facilitate meaningful connections. Instead, aim to craft questions that encourage openness and understanding. By moving beyond default queries, you demonstrate genuine curiosity about the person as a whole, rather than merely their labels or circumstances.

TL;DR

Authentic connections come from engaging with people as they truly are, not just the roles they play or the labels they carry. By being intentional, present, and open in your conversations, you foster relationships that are more genuine, meaningful, and lasting.

4. Building Meaningful Connections and Overcome Awkwardness

Now you might be thinking, "Okay, you've told me what not to do, but what should I do?" Let’s dive into some practical tips for navigating conversations and building connections effectively.

Arrive Early to Ease into Socialising

Meeting people in large groups can be overwhelming, but arriving early helps. People trickle in, and you can engage with them one-on-one as they show up. Striking up a conversation with someone waiting in line or standing nearby feels less daunting when the crowd is smaller.

Approach Wallflowers

If you’re unsure whom to talk to, look for someone standing alone. Most people at networking events want to connect but may not know how to initiate a conversation. Walking up to someone who seems disengaged makes it easier for both of you to break the ice.

Once you’ve started a conversation, use it as a springboard:

• Ask if they know anyone else at the event. If they do, ask for an introduction.
• Team up to meet others. If they don’t know anyone, suggest finding someone new together.

Bringing others into your group not only expands your network but also creates a welcoming atmosphere.

Know When to Move On

If the conversation flows naturally, there’s no rush to leave. Quality over quantity—spending meaningful time with one person can be more valuable than superficial chats with many. However, if someone dominates the conversation, makes you uncomfortable, or isn’t aligned with your values, it’s perfectly fine to exit gracefully:

• Use excuses like needing a drink refill or fresh air.
• Don’t feel obligated to call out inappropriate behaviour unless you’re comfortable doing so.

Use the "Journey Slider" to Keep the Conversation Going

When a conversation reaches a natural pause, focus on the shared point of connection—where you’ve both intersected in your journeys. This could be the event, a mutual acquaintance, or the context of your meeting. From there, you can slide backward or forward along their journey:

• Looking back: Ask what brought them to the event, how they got into their field, or their background.
• Looking forward: Inquire about upcoming sessions, future events, or personal plans.

Everyone’s life is a unique narrative filled with highs, lows, and fascinating experiences. By focusing on their journey, you can unlock deeper conversations and gain insight into their world.

Solidify the Connection

After a meaningful interaction, ensure you can stay in touch:

• Suggest connecting on LinkedIn, Mastodon, or any other relevant platform.
• Keep it casual: “I really valued our conversation. Let’s keep in touch—I’d love to chat again sometime.”

But here’s the key: Don’t overwhelm them by immediately messaging on every channel. Be cool. Let the connection simmer naturally.

TL;DR

Networking doesn’t have to feel awkward or transactional. When you approach conversations with genuine curiosity, focus on shared experiences, and treat every interaction as an opportunity to learn, you create meaningful connections that last.

Remember, everyone’s journey is a treasure trove of stories waiting to be unlocked—and by being present and authentic, you can turn any encounter into a memorable connection.

5. How to Be Interesting: Key Tips for Meaningful Conversations

Now let’s summarise: It’s okay to be uncomfortable, be genuinely interested in what others are saying, focus on their journey, avoid wasting time with people who aren't aligned, and always follow up. With that covered, let’s speedrun the last part: how to be interesting.

Don’t Be a Know-It-All

• Avoid overexplaining or showing off your expertise. For example, instead of saying, “I’m head of all North American user groups for AWS,” keep it simple: “I work with developers in a large tech company.”
• Resist the urge to dominate the conversation with detailed knowledge or titles—it can come off as boastful.

Avoid Separation Statements

• Don’t make divisive or dismissive comments, like, “Linux sucks, and so do its tools.” Even if you disagree with someone’s preferences, don’t yuck their yum—let them enjoy what they enjoy without judgment.
• Focus on inclusivity and curiosity rather than staking out controversial positions.

Don’t Hijack the Conversation

• Avoid redirecting everything back to yourself. For instance, if someone shares a story about owning an ark, don’t immediately reply with, “I also build canoes, and here’s why my satin finish makes them superior.”
• Instead, stay inquisitive—let them finish their story and ask thoughtful follow-up questions.

4. Stay Curious About Them

• Keep the conversation balanced. If someone asks about your experience, answer, but then return the focus to them: “How have you handled similar challenges?”
• If they share what they do professionally, dig deeper into their interests: “What do you do for fun outside of work?”

Add Value Without Overloading

• Contribute meaningfully to the conversation without making it one-sided. Share relevant experiences, but keep the exchange flowing with back-and-forth dialogue.
• Ensure that your contributions enhance, rather than overshadow, the topic.

Closing Thoughts

Wesley:

Mastering how to be interesting is about creating an engaging dialogue, not delivering a monologue. By focusing on the other person, adding value, and avoiding ego-driven behaviours, you’ll leave a lasting impression without overwhelming the interaction.

Thanks so much for your time! I’m excited to dive into the Q&A!

Wendy:

Thank you Wesley that was awesome. Thoughtful insights about unlocking the wonderful journeys of the amazing people we meet. That really resonated with me.

Personally, I’m taking on the challenge of being the person who lasts the longest without asking, “What do you do?” or “Where are you from?” It’s such a great exercise to reframe those initial conversations. I love it.

Wesley:

Thank you, Wendy. It’s incredible how much mental gymnastics it takes to avoid those two questions. I didn’t mention this earlier, but part of the reason to avoid them—especially when I was transitioning careers and networking in unfamiliar spaces—was to prevent people from boxing me into their assumptions about what I could offer.

One unexpected benefit is that when someone introduces you to another person, they tend to tell the best stories about you, focusing on your personality rather than labels like your job title. That can create a much richer connection.

Wendy:

Absolutely, and some of the example questions you mentioned earlier, like “What brings you here?” or “Did you learn something new?” are fantastic. They’re timely and keep the conversation in the moment.

And, as you said, asking “What do you do?” can really derail a conversation, especially if someone is unhappy in their job.

Q: “Is Discord better than Twitter live chats? I’ve used both but didn’t get great results on Discord.”

Sarah:

Our first question is for Floor, from Samit Singh Baya, I hope I pronounce their name right. They ask: “Is Discord better than Twitter live chats? I’ve used both but didn’t get great results on Discord.”

Floor:

Great question, Samit. If we’re talking about hosting events or Q&A, my answer depends on what the organisers prefer. Some conferences use Discord for communication, including Q&A, while others might use Twitter or another tool. It’s less about which is “better” and more about adapting to the tools the event has chosen. As participants, it’s our role to embrace those tools to be the best participants we can be.

Sarah:

Thanks, Floor. I hope that answered your question, Samit.

Q: “Does DevRel fill the gaps left by traditional marketing, product, and engineering, and is that why it feels disorganised?”

Sarah:

Let’s move to the next question. Deepak Kumar asks, “Does DevRel fill the gaps left by traditional marketing, product, and engineering, and is that why it feels disorganised?”

Floor:

Interesting question. If we’re talking about events specifically, they’re often third-party-run, so you naturally have less control over organisation. However, within your team, asserting some structure and planning around the opportunities events provide is key.

That said, I think this question is as much a statement as it is a question. Wesley, what do you think?

Wesley:

I agree with you, Floor. Whether DevRel feels disorganised often depends on the organisation itself. Disorganised companies can make DevRel seem chaotic because there’s no clear direction or alignment across teams.

I’ve worked in places where planning felt pointless because strategies were constantly thrown out and rewritten. In contrast, structured organisations with a clear understanding of DevRel’s purpose can create highly functional DevRel teams.

Ultimately, the level of organisation is a reflection of company culture, not DevRel itself.

Floor:

Yes, and having clear positioning and shared objectives is critical. If there’s no alignment on why you’re building a community or what it’s meant to achieve, that’s where disorganisation starts. But again, that’s a cultural issue, not something inherent to DevRel.

Q: “Different markets have different audience expectations. Any tips for engaging with global audiences and meeting their expectations?”

Sarah:

Great insights. Our next question is also from Samit, about trip reports: “Different markets have different audience expectations. Any tips for engaging with global audiences and meeting their expectations?”

Floor:

Great question, Samit! Being based in the Netherlands, my work primarily focuses on the European market. But I recently attended DevOps Bengaluru in India, and the cultural differences were fascinating. For example, in Europe, evening meetups are common. In Bengaluru, however, weekday traffic makes evening events nearly impossible. We ended up hosting a meetup on a Sunday afternoon, which worked perfectly.

The key is asking locals for advice and being open to adapting your usual templates. What works in one region won’t necessarily work everywhere.

Wesley:

I’ll add that cultural norms also play a huge role in how events are received. For example, German audiences value punctuality—sessions must start and end on time. In contrast, South African audiences might prioritise connection, so they’re more forgiving of delays if it means meaningful interactions.

Understanding these nuances requires research. Look into cultural differences before planning or presenting at events in new regions. What works for one culture might be perceived as rude or inappropriate in another.

Wendy:

Yes, understanding local preferences is key. I remember organising a meetup in Glasgow and planning drinks afterward because it was a hit in other cities. But in Glasgow, everyone wanted to head home to their families. It was a good reminder to always investigate and adapt plans to the community you’re serving.

Q: “What can you do if someone is very rude at work or during a talk?”

Wendy:

I think we’ve got time for one more question. I saw a question from Vasilika Kimova. They ask, “What can you do if someone is very rude at work or during a talk?”

Floor:

Unfortunately, this happens more often than it should. I’ve had people try to guess what I do or focus on something irrelevant and hammer on it. When someone asks a disruptive or off-topic question during a talk, I’ll say, “Let’s discuss this afterward, as it’s a bit off-topic for the room.” Then, conveniently, I don’t see them afterward.

It takes energy and grace to steer away from those situations, but it’s better for everyone if you can.

Wesley:

You’re not obligated to engage with someone who’s being rude. If it’s in a group setting, defer them politely, as Floor suggested. If it’s one-on-one, you can excuse yourself: “I need to step away for a moment,” or, “I have to get a drink.” You don’t owe them your time.

Floor:

Yes, one of the best lessons I’ve learned is from one of the organisers at DevOps Days Oslo, who said that if someone asks, “Can I give you feedback?” it’s okay to say no.

Wendy:

Yes! Setting boundaries is so important.

Q: “When you have pre-planned which sessions to attend, is it still ok to get up and go to another session if the one you’re attending just isn’t working for you? “

Wesley:

I’m not sure if it’s allowed for speakers to ask questions during the Q&A, but can I ask Floor a question?

Wendy:

Yes, absolutely!

Wesley:

Great. Floor, when you create your event spreadsheet and plan which sessions to attend, do you include a fallback Plan B or C? For example, do you have alternatives ready if the session you’re in isn’t working for you?

Floor:

Yes, absolutely. For example, at FOSDEM (which I used as an example earlier), the rooms are often very far apart, so you have to factor in the commute time between sessions. Typically, the sessions I attend are on topics like policy, which aren’t as popular, so I usually don’t have to worry about full rooms or long queues.

However, for popular sessions, there’s often a queue outside, and you may not get in. That’s when having a backup session is crucial. If there isn’t another session I want to attend, I’ll switch to backup activities—like visiting booths. For example, I might shuffle my schedule and visit the booths earlier in the day, then attend talks I originally planned for later.

It’s tough sometimes because I’m interested in so many things. I occasionally delay or defer deciding on sessions until the moment arrives, depending on how things unfold.

Wesley:

Thanks for humouring me with that question. Your approach is so practical—it’s good to know how to adapt when things don’t go as planned!

Q: “Can we role play Wesley’s amazing best practices for event networking?”

Wendy:

Thank you both for sharing those tips. Wesley’s question made me wonder if Floor has any thoughts or questions she’d like to share with Wesley?

Floor:

Not exactly a question, but more of a thought—I would love to roleplay this. Like, could we? Should we? I think this should be a workshop where people roleplay these kinds of conversations. It would be so useful!

Wendy:

Absolutely! That’s an awesome idea.

Wesley:

Yes, yes, a workshop sounds fun—well, actually, it’s not fun. I’ve tried it before, and it’s a really bad idea for a workshop.

Here’s why: I’ve done a panel on the awkwardness of networking, and when everyone is already awkward, you say, “Okay, now we’re going to roleplay!” You ask, “Who wants to volunteer?”—and no one raises their hand of course. Then you say, “Who has questions?”—and no one asks anything. When you bring people together who are not really comfortable to put themselves out there, you sometimes just get crickets. So yes, it sounds nice in theory, but in practice, it hasn’t worked for me. You’d think it would, but it doesn’t.

Q: “How to join a group that is already huddled together and in conversation?”

Sarah:

We have time for one last question. Wesley, there were two questions you yourself highlighted at the very end that I was really interested in, especially because I often feel so awkward about joining a group when they’re already talking. I’m always a bit afraid of it—I don’t like to just jump in. How do you interrupt without being, well, a total ass?

Wesley:

Oh, yeah, that was actually on my slide, but I didn’t get to cover it.

Sarah:

Yes, I noticed it was on your slide, but you ran out of time. If we can squeeze it in now, I’d love to hear your answer.

Wesley:

All right, here’s a quick tip. If you have a drink or if it’s around a table, ask, “Can I set my drink down here?” This gives you an excuse to test how open the group is to someone joining.

Here’s how it works: You want to identify the quieter member in the group—the person who’s participating the least. Approach them and ask, “Can I put my drink down?” If they give you a weird look, seem rude, or otherwise show they’re not interested in interacting, that’s a sign you probably won’t be able to break into the group.

However, if they respond with something like, “Oh, sure, go ahead,” that’s a green light. You can then say, “Thank you so much, that’s really nice of you,” and use that as a segue to start a conversation.

Sarah:

Oh, that’s gold!

Wesley:

Right? It gives you a polite excuse to break in without interrupting rudely. Once you’ve made that initial connection, you can follow up with something like, “So, what are you all talking about?” or “Are you all here together?” or “Did you hear about [insert topic]?” This allows you to ease into the conversation naturally.

The key is to avoid interrupting someone who’s actively talking. Instead, focus on engaging with the quieter member of the group. It’s a subtle way to integrate into the conversation smoothly.

Sarah:

That’s so clever—thank you!

Closing Remarks:

Wendy:

That was our final question, and we’re right on time.

Thank you, Wesley, Floor, Sarah, and everyone in the audience for your fantastic questions and comments. If you enjoyed tonight’s meetup, we host these roughly every two months. Join our devrellers community on LinkedIn group, to stay updated.

Hope to see you all again soon. Goodbye!